Ok, so I've decided that I hate this username and that I needed a new one. So:

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The new me!

Except nothing will really change. Same filter groups as before, as soon as I get around to adding them. This journal will stay up, so I can use it access f-locked things I've forgotten to re-friend with the new one, but other than that, don't expect much from this journal.

Unless I forget I have a new one. Always possible...

So, since I've been getting paranoid about my journal being half unlocked lately, I'm thinking I'm going to f-lock most of it.

And also because I have a tendency to vent on the internet, I've decided to create a couple of filters so you guys don't have my rambling crap of over your flists if you don't want it *g*

So, currently all of my fic (when I actually get around to posting some more) will just be under normal flock, no filters or anything.

After that, I have a real life filter, which will mostly be my random updates on how I am mentally and what's going on with me. Probably only interesting if you care.

And a third one is called gender shit, which is me rambling about gender identity and what's going on with me regarding that. Again, probably only interesting if you care. Also, probably only understandable if you're acquainted with the linguistic minefield that is gender variance, because I do have a tendency to ramble and not stop and explain what it is I'm rambling about.

Anyways, comment if you want to be added to either of the groups *g*

So, insomnia strikes again. I have to be at work for ten, which is in three and a half hours, and I haven't slept at all. And it's my first day at this job, which explains the stress and not sleeping, but I'm working in a library, which is gonna be really quiet so all anyone will be able to hear is me yawning and sleepily falling over piles of books and demanding more caffine, preferably in an IV but with coffee if that's the best they can do, and the librarian will sternly inform me that water bottles are the only drinks allowed in the library, and I will have to resist the temptation to point out that whether you spill water or coffee on a book, it's still gonna be wrecked.

So, wish me luck? Or, at least, wish me not fired on my first day for falling alseep in the store room, whatever.

And I would totally not be rambling about this on the internet if my housemate didn't get up at a sensible time, like 9am, and isn't planning on being awake until pretty much when I have to leave, and the internet is all I have to talk to, becuase if I called a friend right now, they would probably drive over here and kill me with a rusty spoon.

Oh well.

Hee. So, I'me drunk again. I tired recording podfic, for the booky thingy. Um... I can't remember what its called. The HCL book, anyways. I suck at podifcs, i sepnd WAY more time editing than I do recording. I can't talk. Wehn I'm on my second bottle of wine? So not good. Bt, it is good wine. I thing. I'm drunk, what do i know.

Also, my accent is way crazy when I'm even tipsy. Hell, it's weird when I#m sober. I've lived pretty much everywhere, cause my whole family's military. Which means that When I get drunk, i lapse into crazy fucking accents. Sounthern US is always a favourite, even though I was there for maybe two months. Canada is always a good one, ontario, but then I was there for four years, so that's understandable, right? And then, half my family#s scottish, so that's a good one. That pops up wjhen I#m sober. especiialy when I'm angry. Which tends to make people laugh, which just destrys the whole angry thing,.

Dubai was the best place i lived. even though I had to wear one of them robey  things if I went out of the british enclave. I should know what them robey thingys are called. I do know, I swear. But they're big and black, and make you look like Terry Pratchett's DEATH, and they were kinda cool.  Even if i did have to walk six paces behind my dad the whole time. And, y'know, I couldn't flirt with people, becuase they would be all sjhocked and apalled. My dad is thinking of moveing back there for three years or so, for work, becuase of some tax thingy that means he'll get a lot of money. That would be fun.

Also, i may be dating a guy. Whcih is just weird. I havben't even slept with a guy since I was liek, 13. Which, yeah, isnt that long ago, but whatever. I'm gonna be so bad in bed, it's gonna be hilarious. And I don't even know if I think he's hot. yeah, he's attractive, but that's more an aesthetic appreciation, i don't know if I find him sexually attractiv.e HWat if i dom't? Ok, I already slept with him, but I was drunk. WHat if i try to sleep wioth him sobar, and I'm all, "ew, dick/" and can't do it? Cuz I like him, he's fun. And hot, I guess. And he's all musical and artistic and i don't even know. Also, i#m bad at relationsjhips. Last time i was in a relationship, it lasted two months, and that's damn near a record. I#m in a mental place qwhere i need to focus on me, not thoer people, which kinda gets in the way. Sex is fun, that's all. I dont mneed emotions to go with it.

I'm gonna stop talking now. Or typing, whatever.

Sprry?

So, testing the crossposty thingy on Dreamwidth. And yes, cross posty thingy is the best phrase I could come up with there.

I would also like to issue a public apology for my drunken posting on LJ last night. The entry I made in my journal wasn't too bad, although I seem to remember saying something about talking about sex with my dad. i haven't had the guts to go and look at what I actually said yet. Unfortunately, this is all I can remember doing, and whilst there is a chance that is all I did, there's also a chance I rambled on people comments. If I did, I'm osrry. So, so sorry. I hate alcohol. i will never drink again. Until next weekend, I swear.

A more personal apology to Aka, since I only just noticed you friended me on dreamwidth, becuase I suck at remembering I have to check two accounts now. Can we all not move to dreamwidth already? (says the girl who only just remembered it existed. yeah, I suck, I get it.)

So, yeah. Bye. And sorry (again) for my drunk commenting. If I did any. If I did, don't tell me. I'd prefer not to know.

EDIT: also, an apology to dodificus, becuase I also failed to notice you friended me. Until after I posted that. Sorry.

Hee. my acohol tolerance is shot to shit. i am only four pints in, i should not be ahcing trouble focising on the screen. Actually, i'm not looking at the screen any more because it made my eyes hurt. I made a new friend. I do ghave a social life! yay!

Also, I wrote a long, rambling issue-filled post earlier that i never posted. oh well. maybe i will post it tomorrow. right now, i am going to go back to drinking, because i have got to the ponit of drunkenness where OF COURSE more druiking is a great idea. Also, I have a feeling i just shared far too much of my sex life with my father. I hate alocohl. hmm. I mean i shared information with my father. Not the actual sex. And no one would have even thought of that before i said it. i hate my brain.

Bye bye now.

And, uh, sorry. *g*

Ugh. I fucking hate exams. Especially biology exams that are three fucking hours long.

And the last question, after 2 1/2 hours? (I'm speedy at biology. because I do not know the answers and skip huge sections of the exam. Shhhh) 'Briefly outline the dangers of smoking'.

I coulda KILLED the fuckers.

( Cut to save flists )

Oh HELL. I should not revise ethics whilst reading fic. Because I'm reading a J2 RPS, which I do frequently. Instead of saying, 'wow, Jared, that's a responsible choice to make, seeing that you're going to keep fucking your relationship up if you keep making the same choices', I'm going, 'Oh, Jared. Don't fall for the theory of universalization. Kant was a stupid bastard, whose entire theory eats its own tail'. In conclusion, I’m weird, and Kantian Ethics still suck.

Now, in reasons my teachers should never ask me to turn in essay plans: (no, seriously. This is what I gave the poor guy, notes in brackets and all. This is how I keep myself entertained during the planning and research stages, and how I make sure I don’t lose enthusiasm on the topic before writing the final essay.) Don't feel you have to read this, I'm mostly posting it for my own entertainment.

Also, not particularly well spell-checked or proof read. It was a plan.

( In conclusion... )

So? Have I converted anyone to my theory.

And by 'my theory', I mean I came up with it independantly and without having read any texts based on the same theory, and all arguments are my own. There may be several other people who have had the theory, I just don't know about them.

Hello, people!

Am just running through to tell you all:

I just directed my very first film!

( Cut for more rambling )

Whoever you are, anonymous gifter, thank you very much.

Seriously, I only just checked my email, so I don't know when that was gifted to me, but thank you so much.

I kind of have this incredulous laugh/nearly crying thing going on.

I didn't get out of bed yesterday, and I nearly didn't today, but I did, and I have this, and so today was worth getting up for, and thank you and I don't know how many times I can say that and it might seem pathetic, but I really don't have anything else to say.

I love fandom. Everyone rocks. That is all.

Just got back from a trip to Dartmoor. It was amazing. Also, amazingly cold. Will post more on that later. Right now, I'm having a moment.

( A moment of combined hilarity and panic... )

Quick fly-by post. I've been bouncing between projects all day, and remembered I meant to post this ages ago.

This is a still render from the Due South animation i've been working on, and I'm a little in love with the lighting here. I maybe take the meaning of mood lighting a little too far, but I'm happy with it. Fraser/RayK

For those of you you can't open everything at work, it does contain two guys kissing, but they're both fully dressed and I like to think of it as sensual rather than sexual.

( The pic isn't that big, but I'll cut anyway )

Research. I'm all for research. In Ethics right now, I'm studying Christian Ethics, and, more importantly, whether morality should be linked to any kind of deity. I have to rant. Forgive any spelling errors, I've been drinking. You'd have to too, if you'd been researching what I have.

Yes: The answers are obvious. Mother Theresa. Ghandi. Martin Luther King.

No: Well, the people I chose to study are the Westboro Baptist Church. I would link to their website, but I know here in the UK, it actually brings up flags on internet monitoring computers. I was in Basingstoke the same day (a week ago) there weas supposed to be a picket, but thank fuck (I nearly said thank God. I decided against it) UK border people forbade them from entering the country.

( I'm ranting. I had to. Feel free to ignore me )

Hmmm... have had a strange day. Nicely traumatic is the only way I can put it, so you can see what I mean.

( Arg )

Fandom: Being Human
Pairing: George/Mitchell
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Is voyeurism a warning? If so, that. Also, Mitchell getting off on the kill video Laura sent him, which some people might consider kinda gross.
Word Count: 1200-ish
A/N: Kinda set after the third episode, but mostly outside of canon.
Thanks to violetknights for the beta.

( and here it is... )

Urg. Why is it I can watch three episode of one show, and churn out a quick pornlet (ficlet + porn = pornlet), but I can know Due South and related c6d stuff inside out and not write anything even I can look at again, let alone want anyone else to read? Gah.

As a side not, there are only four episodes of the show I'm writing, I'm not jumping in and writing fic before I've seen the canon. I've watched the fourth episode now, anyway, and it doesn't discount my fic.

Also, anyone who lives in the UK and reads my journal (which actually, I think, is no one) watch Being Human. Slashiest show ever without actually being canon slash. Seriously. Have you ever seen two guys jumping on to the sofa trying to act like they weren't watching their friend out the window and ending up in each others arms like they're making out? No? You should. It's amazing.

I'm thinking maybe I can write Being Human fic easier than Due South becuase it doesn't have such an established fandom, maybe? I'm there from the start, rather than jumping in years later. Well, pretty much the start.

I don't know. And I'll shut up now. (Also, any flist people who want to watch the show and aren't in the UK, I'm planning to upload the eps I have downloaded at some point, if you're interested. Because to save space on my hard drive I download, watch, upload, delete. And then download, watch again, delete again, etc.)

Boredom makes a girl do crazy, crazy things... like bake.

Well, picture a cute five year old covered in broad dough with flour in her hair? Cute, right? Now paste that image onto me. Less cute. In fact, rather pathetic. I have quite a reputation for being a one-woman disaster in the kitchen, and it's definitely deserved.

Flatmate comes home, takes one look at me and says, "what the fuck did you do?" Me, attempting to be all charming, "I baked bread!" The rest of the conversation went roughly along these lines.

( this post might get stupidly long, so I'll do my flist a favour )

England sucks at snow. It's now official. Eveything is closed. I can't leave the house any further than what I'm willing to walk, because there was a shortage of grit. So, completely impassable roads. But don't worry, the motorways and A roads are gritted, and some of them have even been cleared. Just a shame no one can get to them.

Also, I got up at seven o clock in the fucking morning, and there's no school. Dammit, todays a good day, in which I have only two lessons and a huge amount of free time. I like today. Alas, I get to spend it working on coursework and homework, becuase I have no excuse now.

Yay.

ETA: In more stuff that England is bad at, London has pretty much closed down, including the Tube. Uh, why? It's underground... not exactly a heavy snowfall location, there. Ugh.

School today ended rather abruptly. Rats fleeing a sinking ship would be an appropraite metaphor, I think. We all spent the first lesson and a half watching the snow fall going, "oh shit, I'm never gonna get home.". Half way through third lesson (about 12:30 ish) people started packing up and leaving. Many people are stuck in school. I already have one person going to sleep on the three seater sofa, someone on my bedroom floor, and maybe another person who in dire circumstances will be willing to curl up on the mini sofa that isn't much bigger than an armchair.

My car is Dead. And abandoned. The clutch was going something terrible, and I could barely make it up the silly country roads and hill to my dads anyway. Today, under pressure of snow, it gave up on life. Unfortunately, I was halfway up the hill. I screamed, started rolling backwards becuase I couldn't change into a high enough gear to stay in one place, jammed the handbrake on and got out.

Hitchhiked back to my town, got on a bus, hid in flat, hoping no one will find the car. Mostly becuase I don't actually have a drivers licence and am SO FUCKED if anyone reports it.

I also felt very guilty hitchiking becuase some nice old lady who took pity on the freezing teenager had me melt half an hours worth of snow all over her back seat. I apologised profusely, tried desperately to get her to take some damn money for petrol, and refused to offer of her driving me all the way to my flat. All rumours of mass murdering hitchikers/ people who pick hitchikers up have been dispelled. No one could kill such a sweet old lady, and she sure as hell wasn't gonna kill me.

(I am joking. I know hitchiking is dangerous. I just needed some way to get home)

So, all in all, not a great day.

Oh, and my bank card's expired and I LOST THE NEW ONE!!! It hung around in that way things do when you don't need them but can't throw them out, and then it was GONE. And now I am moneyless. Well, I have money, I just can't get to it. Grrr.